“Daddy?”
My eyelids shot open at the sound of the little voice softly calling my name. I squinted into the darkness forcing my eyes to adjust to the blackness.
“Daddy, are you awake?” A hand on my face, a little hand begging me to wake up.
“Now I am.” I took her hand off my cheek and grabbed at the clock on the dresser next to me. “Zoë, what are you doing up? It’s two in the morning.”
“Daddy I’m scared.”
“Of what Zoë?”
“Of the closet monster.”
“Zoë, how many times do I have to tell you-” I cut myself off and gave in. I shifted towards my wife’s side of the bed where she was sleeping soundly for the first time in a week. “All right, get in.”
My daughter happily climbed into my bed and settled down in my pillow. “I love you, Daddy.”
I hugged her tightly with one arm and kept the other arm above her head. I had to lay on my side facing her because if I turned I’d cause Clare to fall off the bed. “I love you, too,” I responded. “Now, go to sleep before we wake Mommy.” I felt her nodding under my arm. I kissed her cheek and waited patiently for her to fall asleep. Once she was asleep I would be able to fall asleep, I wanted her to know that I would be awake watching out for “closet monsters” and she’d be protected. I gave in this time instead of doing what I did all weekend, going into her room and sitting with her until she fell asleep because she had school in the morning. She’d be really tired if I went through the whole long “there’s no monsters in your closet” process that I knew all too well.
Zoë moved her head closer on my chest. “Daddy, is your heart all better?”
I didn’t answer at first. There was a few moments of silence. “Yes honey,” I whispered. “My heart’s better.”
“Good. I don’t want you to leave me like Kelly’s Daddy left her.”
I closed my eyes briefly and tried not to think about the meaning behind the innocent statement. I didn’t know how to answer a statement like that. I racked my brain to come up with an answer that wouldn’t be a lie. I knew I had to tell her something that
wouldn’t scare her but I didn’t want to lie to the kid.
“Zoë, I’m not going to leave you. I’ll always be with you, even when you don’t want me to.”
“Not want you to?” She said in a shocked voice. “I’d never want you to not be with me, Daddy. I love you.”
I laughed quietly. “Just wait until you hit double digits and want me out of your life.”
“Daddy, sing to me, please?”
“If you’ll go to sleep.”
“I will, I promise.”
I cleared my throat and started singing very softly to her. It was a ballad my brothers and I had written many years ago that usually made her fall asleep. “Just lay down and let your worries sleep. Don’t think now, the water’s dark and deep. Cause you know that I love you and never let go. And you know that I love you forever I love you and never let go. Yes I love you and never let go...” I let my voice trail off and I kissed her lightly on the head. My daughter had slipped into her peaceful dreamland.
“Taylor?” This time it was my wife touching me. I felt her head on my shoulder.
“Shhh,” I told her. “Zoë’s asleep.”
“Same thing as usual?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you. You were finally sleeping.”
She laid back down in her spot on our bed. “It wouldn’t last. I have to use the bathroom.” I felt the bed move as she stood up. “When I come back I want to find you asleep as well. You haven’t been sleeping much either and you’re supposed to be
resting.”
“So are you,” I reminded her.
“Good-night, Taylor.”
I didn’t get to hear her come back because I closed my eyes and zonked out almost instantly.