I sat by the phone in the hotel room debating whether or not to call my wife. It had been at least two days before I had heard her voice and I was longing to hear it. It had been six days since I had kissed her good-bye and I was getting antsy. I hated sleeping alone at night. The pure emptiness of the bed depressed me. My brothers were in the room of course, Isaac in the queen sized bed next to mine and Zac on the rollaway cot on the floor in front of the beds. That was totally not the same of having Clare next to me, for two reasons, one she was my wife and two the obvious one, she was a girl.
I laid back on the bed and clasped my hands together across my stomach. I thought back to when Clare and I were going out, hiding from our parents and my fans so
we could have some time alone. I remembered one time when I was in NY for a couple of television shows with my brothers, she was coming to our hotel early in the morning, but apparently it wasn’t early enough. There were girls outside, girls that knew her and knew she was going out with me, girls who didn’t like that at all. Clare’s friends, my semi-friends by this point as well, were outside sitting at the benches waiting for Clare to come and for my brothers and me to wake up and leave the hotel. I was drawn to the window by yelling and looked out to see my girlfriend in the middle of a crowd of people. Her friends were trying desperately to get her out of there. Finally they succeeded and went up into the lobby. I found out later that the doormen locked the doors behind them and they rushed up to our room. I rushed out of mine, wearing only a hotel robe and crashed into them in the elevator. Clare was distraught and it took me, my brothers, her friends, and my parents to calm her down. I remembering telling her “welcome to my world.”
From that point on, I met Clare at other places and from there we had to be careful not to come back unless there were people we knew wouldn’t attack her at my hotel. It was hard but we got through it. We usually went to our spot in the park, the same spot where we would picnic later on with Zoë and Anya, the same spot where I had my heart attack.
I sat up on the bed and looked at the clock. It was almost midnight, it would be three in NY. I couldn’t call and wake up my family. It was Saturday but I still wouldn’t dare wake them unless it was an emergency. “Another day alone is more than I can take,” I mumbled out loud, quoting a song by Hanson.
I wished my brothers were back from the casino. I had left them around eleven to take a nap. I wasn’t very tired anymore and I hadn’t slept at all. They promised to be back in the room by midnight but I doubted they’d come back on time. We’d be leaving Vegas soon to make our long drive back to NY so they wanted at least one more full night in the casino. I was forcing my brothers to take me back to NY, not Tulsa. They had dragged me from NY to come with them therefore they better drop me off as well.
I started to get really lonely and once again considered calling Clare so I could hear her voice. I sighed, no it was definitely too late in NY. I laid back down and let my thoughts wander for awhile. I wondered how my new baby was doing and how Clare was holding up. I knew that if there was a problem I’d get a call on the cell phone but I worried all the same. Clare was joking with me that we were going to have a son because the kid was already causing problems. I wanted another daughter but a son would be nice too. Someone to play football with and take to baseball games. Zoë was the kind of girl who would love to come to baseball games with me... why would I need a son when I had Zoë?
I felt bad for thinking those things because I knew I’d regret everything later on but I couldn’t help it. I was definitely the “Daddy’s Little Princess” type of guy.
I started thinking about my fans again, and the past. One time I decided to get Clare and I our own hotel room in the hotel next to the one I usually stayed at in NY. It was our one year anniversary and I wanted it to be special so I rented a room, decorated it with candles, and ordered room service to be delivered at six sharp to a table I arranged with silver and flowers. She didn’t know about it, I wanted it to be a surprise. Somehow, I don’t know how exactly, it got out that I was not staying in my usual place. The only person I let in on my little secret with was Isaac and he swears he didn’t even tell a soul. My parents didn’t even know. They thought I was in the room I stayed in with my brothers. I went out that day like it was any other day, and my driver and I went to Clare’s house to pick her up, she thought we were going out to dinner at a restaurant. When she got into the van and we drove into Manhattan she asked me if I was staying at the usual hotel. Then she told me that her best friend said I had switched hotels. I swore to her that I’d tell her I switched hotels, and I wasn’t lying because I didn’t switch! It was one night! One night I wanted alone with her for our anniversary.
I saw fans down the street start to take off running to get to our van the second we pulled up in front of the other hotel. I jumped out of the van and pulled Clare with me. The fans got to us just as we were going inside the lobby of the hotel. They demanded to know why we were going inside. I told them it was because we were going to eat in the restaurant and I’d be back later. I hated lying to them. Someone shouted at us “Taylor, stop lying! You have a reservation here! Under YOUR name!” but I ignored her.
I managed somehow to get upstairs to our room at a quarter after six. Clare was confused because she thought we really were going to the restaurant downstairs. I was upset because my surprise had been ruined. Then Clare noticed the table I had carefully set up by myself and soon she was crying, telling me how sweet I was and how much she loved me. We sat down in the chairs and went on with our night, trying to forget what had happened downstairs. That was the night I gave her a pre-engagement right... a promise ring... that she gladly accepted. She still wears it on a chain around her neck to remember the first full night we spent alone together.
I closed my eyes and shook the memory from my head. I didn’t want to think, I wanted to sleep. I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs up onto the bed. I turned off the light above my head and closed my eyes.
At four in the morning I woke up because of a huge pain in my stomach. I sat up straight and was about to run into the bathroom when it stopped. The phone rang. I didn’t really hear it until the third or fourth ring and Isaac was moaning “someone answer that
nowwwwwwwwwwww!”
I picked it up. “Hello?” I said in a groggy voice.
“Taylor? Honey I’m so glad I found you!”
“Mom?” I asked. “What’s wrong? You sound like you are crying! Where are you?”
“When your brothers came up to NY to take you with them, Dad and I came as well because we knew Clare would need some help with the children God forbid anything
happen to them. Jordan, do you remember what I told you last week about how Clare almost lost the baby when you were in the hospital?” She sobbed.
The color drained out of my face and my heart started pounding. “Mom... what happened to my baby?”
“During the night Clare called me and complained about having cramps! Your father is at your home with Zoë and Anya, but I’m here at the hospital with Clare. Taylor, you have to get here right away. I don’t know what’s going on but she was bleeding.”
I swallowed hard and tried to let her words sink in. Cramps... bleeding... that wasn’t good. Wasn’t good at all. “Did we lose the baby?”
I felt the bed move and then an arm around my shoulder. Isaac was sitting next to me, pulling me into his body. I looked at Isaac and shook my head, hanging up the phone. “We didn’t lose it yet,” I told him.
Isaac nodded. “Good.” He hugged me. “You’re not going to lose it. I’m positive you’re not. Is she in the hospital?”
“Yeah.”
“Perfect. The doctors will watch out for Clare, don’t worry. She and your baby are probably going to be fine.”
“Probably?”
“Definitely.”
“You better be right, Clarke,” I warned him. “You better be right.”
Isaac smiled. “When am I ever wrong?” I glared at him. “Don’t answer that! Now, let’s go get you on a plane back to NY.”