"Quiet please," I said rising to my feet in front of the room of people. The voices stopped and the din of the room turned off. All the eyes were on me, all forty or so; my family, Nicole's family, friends, and even restaurant staff. "I would like to make a toast," I announced raising my glass. "I know it's not the wedding dinner yet but what the hell? Someone has to make a toast at the rehearsal dinner so let's pretend it's a rehearsal toast as well." Everyone laughed. I smiled. "I'm not going to say much because we must leave that for tomorrow when everything we say will actually matter.. come to think of it, actually one of the only times when everything we say will matter." More laughter. I was on a roll here. "To my brother, a great man," I raised my glass high in the air and everyone did the same, "and to Nicole, a beautiful girl who has to put up with this great man longer than I ever could!"
"Cheers!" Everyone said with a huge laugh, clinking their glasses together. I sat back down as everyone clapped. Nicole and Zac were laughing across the table from each other, both of them hinting a slight shade of red in their cheeks. I smiled over at them un-noticed for a few moments, remembering what it was like to be an anxious couple, waiting for the next day, waiting to be lawfully bounded together for the rest of eternity... and also waiting for that next night-
"Taylor?" Clare's sweet voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned my attention towards her. "Yes, Beautiful?"
"What are you thinking?"
I looked over at my daughter sitting next to my wife and then over at my other daughter sitting in her high chair off to the side of me, opposite from her mother. I regained my eye-contact with Clare. "I'm thinking about how happy I am," I told her. "I'm thinking about how everything is perfect and I wouldn't want anything to be different from the way it is right now." I reached under the table and squeezed her hand gently. "This... this is perfect."
"No wonder I fell in love with you, Jordan Taylor Hanson," she said softly. "You make everything sound beautiful, you make everything in the world beautiful. Even me." Her eyes were starting to fill with water.
I quickly jumped into action, this wasn't the time for a mood swing but it was coming and it was coming fast. "Excuse us," I said apologetically, shooting up from my chair. I helped my wife up quickly and told Zoë to watch Anya while Mommy and I went for a walk.
Once outside I eased Clare's head onto my shoulder and took her hand in mine. Pretty soon my dinner jacket was wet with her tears and her sobbing grew loud.
"Shhh," I soothed. "Clare, it will be all right." I didn't tell her to calm down, I knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear. She also didn't want to hear me saying "shhh" or "it will be all right" but I couldn't help it, it just came naturally.
I decided then to keep my mouth shut until I thought of something better to say to her. I guided her towards the boardwalk which had a half-bridge that ran over a small river out onto the water. There were benches in the tiny garden that was at the end of the bridge. We walked slowly towards the benches, her tears soaking into my jacket. I put an arm around her and we sat slowly on one of the cold benches.
We didn't say anything at first, I just let her continue crying, letting all of her emotions out into me. She kept her head on my shoulder and I kept my arm around her holding her close, rubbing her arm every once in awhile for support. I took her hand with my right hand and kissed her hair, keeping my head on hers. I felt her shivering under me. I hadn't realized the cold until just then, I was only concentrating on my wife.
"You're freezing," I told her carefully taking off my jacket. I wrapped it around her shoulders. "That's better." Clare leaned her head down into my lap. I stroked her hair gently. I started to hum softly and soon the words to a very old song I had written with my brothers started to pour out of my mouth, "When you have no light to guide you and no one to walk beside you, I will come to you oh I will come to you. When the night looks dark and stormy, you won't have to reach out for me, I will come to you oh I will come to you."
We must have sat out there for a very long time, Clare wearing my jacket, I not wearing more than a long sleeved dress shirt, but the time did not matter. I sang the whole song to her before speaking about how she made herself beautiful not me. I must have been convincing, either that or the mood passed, because her tears stopped and so did the sobs. Her breathing was no longer labored and the part of my pants where her tears had continued to flow would start to dry soon.
Clare sat up suddenly, throwing me off balance. "Taylor, how did I get so lucky to fall in love with you?"
"Fate," I replied without thinking. "You and I were meant to be, we ARE meant to be. That was the way it was, it is the way it is, and that will be the way it will be until the end of time."